I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
