If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
