it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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