wat bout pragnant strippers??
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
