I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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