Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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