went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
