Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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