Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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