the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
