That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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