I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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