No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
