he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
