I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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