Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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