just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
