Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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