Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
