sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
