brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
