I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
