I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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