There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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