you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
