Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
