i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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