Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
