I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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