READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
