So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
