I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Pooping to opera.
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