Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have aggressive nipples.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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