***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
