Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
