No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
