well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
