I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
