Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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