Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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