what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
