They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
