This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm bleeding and have questions
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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