Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
