he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
