she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
