YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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