we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
