are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
