If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
