Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
