Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
