don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
