i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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