We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
