Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
