I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
