Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
