Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
