I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
