He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize