We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
