Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
