He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
