Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
