Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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