I cockslap morals
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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