im about as happy as oj after his trial
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
