Four minutes until I can fart!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
