hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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