did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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