you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
