Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
