Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
