Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
