I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
