You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just gift wrapped bread.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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