Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
