Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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