Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
