all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
