The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
