Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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