i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
