____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
4 words: hood of his car
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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