How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
