You just made me feel so damn special
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
